Dealing with the Pain

Im a 95% happy person, well maybe 85%.... I rarely let anything get me down for long. But there are somethings that stick in my spirit and I cant seem to shake. In the moments when Im not multi-tasking or doing anything to occupy my time those things in my spirit-balloon, fester, agitate and irritate. I hate that! I hate that I have no control over this particular situation, I hate I cant make the thoughts go away. It happens so rarely but when it does #Ugh. I have a way to deal with it... I immerse myself in the pain until Im numb. Sounds crazy right? Its effective to a point though. I take whatever reminds me of the situation and/or person and flood myself with it-make myself memorize and conjure up every good, bad or indifferent detail and replay it in my head. If its a person I make friends again with this person and document every detail abt them that makes my skin crawl, every lie they tell/told, and odd behaviors and observe as they display these behaviors at will. Whereas before it would make me angry; in the immersion stage Im completely unaffected. I just observe, take mental note and ponder.At this point Im losing nothing because Ive already put them in a 'box" and have decided to 'love from a distance'. It always makes me smile (thats twisted right?) I think im always amused at the end of the day at the things/people I deal with even if it turns out to be a looney situation: 1. Because im always thinking "How the hell did you get into this and where was your head at the time" 2. : I survived it, I came out no more crazy than when I got in the situation. But as I am applying this "Immersion" technique at this very point I realize It makes me a little cold... Who wants a cold heart? Not me! I pride myself on being empathetic/sympathetic and compassionate but peoples abuse of these qualities in me make me want to turn it off sometimes. Until Im thinking clearly again and realize God built me the way I am for a reason. If I allow peoples antics to change who I am then I let them win over God---Im already letting the Devil win enough by wavering on my mission to do the right thing all the time. So....in the midst of a situation where I need this technique the most Im questioning the technique...*sigh*. I swear its hard doing the right thing just a little bit! Im trying to self-check my attitude, my reactions, my sarcasm, and this refraining is tiresome to say the least. Somebody pray for me...I need it.