I found a letter I wrote to myself in November of 2003 about the dissolution of my relationship with my ex fiance 'Alpha'.
I remember after I broke up with him I was so hurt...I put on a strong face for the world but inside I thought I was going to die. I remember putting on a strong face exiting my bedroom with a smile on my face, kissing my son and my mother and telling my father Have a Blessed Day and the tears falling down my face as i walked down the stairs to my car. This pain is so fresh Im crying as I type. I broke up with him, some would say I should have dissolved the situation much earlier and some say we should have never been together in the first place. Doesnt matter because we were together...and when it was good it was GREAT and when it was bad it was the WORST. I think I was 'In Love' and to this day Im not quite sure but I accept everything in my life as an adventure and this is not the exception. You learn a lot from everything IF you're paying attention...
Anyway, we met in October 2001 in Korea-we were the POWER Couple and the most VOLATILE. Our history is of no real value except for to say..We loved each other and from Oct 01 to July 03 we were all we had. Korea was so far away from reality though...we found love in a hopeless place. We shared my twin bed in my barracks room from December 01 to July 02 when he left Korea headed to KY to pack his stuff and leave his wife. Before you judge me I knew nothing of her until March of 02. On her birthday in March he called and told her he had fell in love and it was over for them...EHHHH thats of no consequence either. Our relationship taught us what love could be, should be, and what you dont want it to be...the lesson is beautiful.
Alas after I broke up with Alpha I mourned every day for 4 months-one of my best friends was in Iraq, my other bestie had just gotten married and one of them i didnt even bother consulting because i knew she wouldnt get it (but in retrospect, she would have been the only one to get it actually). I dont remember eating much, but sleep came easy...pop two percocets and drink a beer -I became addicted (addiction is real people) and the Army stayed supplying the good drugs.
The whole point is I wrote a letter to myself, telling me to get it together..that yes life seemed a mess but it seemed a mess because thats the side I chose to look at. I had my WHOLE life in front of me and felt like dying all over love. Ive accomplished some great things since then :) And all because I knew that 'This Too Shall Pass' in the midst of it all I was disgruntled and angry but i knew if I kept moving it would really get better. A lot of people dont believe that adage but it is indeed the truth. You cant call yourself 'Faithful and Trusting in his infinite wisdom' if you dont actually have faith that God works all things out and that he's the only one you can trust.
